In the waiting...

My Dear treasures,

Mama has barely been able to function the past couple days.

This waiting is taking it's toll on my heart.

I have moments where you feel so close, I can almost smell you.

I have imagined the day I will finally walk through a door and see you in person for the first time, countless times in my mind. It's almost like a familiar video now. I pop it in on the days when hope seems so very far away and it reminds me that someday all of these hard days of waiting will only be a memory.

I know when I see you there will be instant tears.

I can't imagine how your daddy is going to react and for that moment my heart beats faster.

I know you will look at us and probably feel fear. We are strangers to you and we understand that. Please know that we are not expecting anything from you. It will be enough for us just to see that you are real, because for so long you have just been our dream.

With every day that passes and we still do not know the exact date of our union, mama grows more silent.

I. just. have. no.words.

The pain of not knowing, the fear that every passing day is pushing our union day further away is crippling.

Every day that I wake to an alarm instead of a phone call seems like a nightmare. I just want to go back to sleep and try again.

We are in desperate need of hope.

I know God see's me and daddy's hearts.

I know He hears our prayers and cry's for you.

I know He holds each tear we have shed for you in the palm of His hand.

I know you will read these letters someday and think that mama is overreacting.

I know that God's timing will be absolutely perfect.

I know we will indeed hold you both in our arms soon and all of this heartache will seem silly, but today mama wants you to know...

 you are so immensely WANTED.

We would drop everything today and hop on a plane to come to you if that was at all possible.

We have chosen you, because God chose you first.

We are longing for you, because God longs for you.

We cry for you because God has given us the same ache he carries for His children and it is unbearable.

We love you Ivan.

We love you Levi.

 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.    
Romans 8:38-39

People ask how we can love you when we haven't yet met you and this verse explains how.

We can love you completely and fully right now, because God does not love us based on what we do.... He simply loves us PERIOD. That is why we don't need to know anything about you, or hold you, or talk to you, or see your medical records, or know about your past, because NONE of that would change our love for you.

This same love that wreaks painful havok on our hearts is the same love that keeps us hoping, keeps us praying, keeps us laughing, because we know that a greater love is surrounding you right now, protecting you right now.

Our hope has always been and will remain forever in the Lord our God.

We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.
Psalm 33: 20-22

Thank you Lord for always being faithful. Forgive us when we let our sorrow overshadow our hope in You. We trust you Father and our times are in Your hands (Psalm 31:15). We look back on our lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and through it all your glory and faithfulness shine.
We praise you already for the victory and redemption You have planed for our boys. Our hope is in You Jesus. Amen