A Place to Belong

Hello Lovies,

I wanted to write to you and show you where you belong.

Your days of having nothing and being nobody to anyone are SO OVER little Mr's!

Here's a tour of your room. It's all ready and waiting for you!

Here's the new magnet board papa got for you boys. He's going to make you a sensory board to go right there too.

Here's the reading nook. We'll spend lots of time here reading and doing puzzles.

See brothers, here's all our books!

 Here's your brother's bed.

And your beds

These cuddly guys will be making the long trip over with us for you. Blue for you Ivan and the green one is yours Levi.

Mama just finished this project and LOVES how it turned out! 5 is a good number, don't ya think? We're going to need another chair!!

We CANNOT wait to put pictures in those frames!!

There you are in our living room. Once mama has more pictures I'll replace yours with black and white too, but for now I like how you two stick out :)

Your pictures are also on our fridge. Mama kisses them and prays that you are safe and taken care of every time I see them.

We cannot wait for you to be here at the table with us, eating sloppies and getting...sloppy :)

Landon will teach you how to use a sippy cup...

Yep guys, this way works a lot better!

 Landon can't wait to play outside with you!

"I've got lots of cars for us to play with!"

"See here go!"

We're ready and waiting for you lovies!! It wont be long now!!

We still do not have a travel date, but the family who submitted one week ahead of us and who we thought we'd be traveling the same time as, received theirs today!! They will be leaving on August 6th. YES as in less than TWO weeks from today!! We should be getting our travel date VERY soon and it is likely we will only be around a week behind them!! I know many of you do not use facebook, but just a reminder that we will only be able to share pictures and detailed information while we travel through our private facebook group. Just add me as friend and send me a message asking to be in our adoption group :)

We love you all!! We cannot thank you enough for praying for our family (all 5 of us :) This is really going to happen! Can you believe it!?!?

SO MUCH TO DO!!! My heart is overflowing!!

See you soon my lovies!!

Your Mama

In the waiting...

My Dear treasures,

Mama has barely been able to function the past couple days.

This waiting is taking it's toll on my heart.

I have moments where you feel so close, I can almost smell you.

I have imagined the day I will finally walk through a door and see you in person for the first time, countless times in my mind. It's almost like a familiar video now. I pop it in on the days when hope seems so very far away and it reminds me that someday all of these hard days of waiting will only be a memory.

I know when I see you there will be instant tears.

I can't imagine how your daddy is going to react and for that moment my heart beats faster.

I know you will look at us and probably feel fear. We are strangers to you and we understand that. Please know that we are not expecting anything from you. It will be enough for us just to see that you are real, because for so long you have just been our dream.

With every day that passes and we still do not know the exact date of our union, mama grows more silent.

I. just. have. no.words.

The pain of not knowing, the fear that every passing day is pushing our union day further away is crippling.

Every day that I wake to an alarm instead of a phone call seems like a nightmare. I just want to go back to sleep and try again.

We are in desperate need of hope.

I know God see's me and daddy's hearts.

I know He hears our prayers and cry's for you.

I know He holds each tear we have shed for you in the palm of His hand.

I know you will read these letters someday and think that mama is overreacting.

I know that God's timing will be absolutely perfect.

I know we will indeed hold you both in our arms soon and all of this heartache will seem silly, but today mama wants you to know...

 you are so immensely WANTED.

We would drop everything today and hop on a plane to come to you if that was at all possible.

We have chosen you, because God chose you first.

We are longing for you, because God longs for you.

We cry for you because God has given us the same ache he carries for His children and it is unbearable.

We love you Ivan.

We love you Levi.

 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.    
Romans 8:38-39

People ask how we can love you when we haven't yet met you and this verse explains how.

We can love you completely and fully right now, because God does not love us based on what we do.... He simply loves us PERIOD. That is why we don't need to know anything about you, or hold you, or talk to you, or see your medical records, or know about your past, because NONE of that would change our love for you.

This same love that wreaks painful havok on our hearts is the same love that keeps us hoping, keeps us praying, keeps us laughing, because we know that a greater love is surrounding you right now, protecting you right now.

Our hope has always been and will remain forever in the Lord our God.

We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.
Psalm 33: 20-22

Thank you Lord for always being faithful. Forgive us when we let our sorrow overshadow our hope in You. We trust you Father and our times are in Your hands (Psalm 31:15). We look back on our lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and through it all your glory and faithfulness shine.
We praise you already for the victory and redemption You have planed for our boys. Our hope is in You Jesus. Amen

One of Those Nights

Tonight is just one of "those" nights...

Ryan helped me put Landon to bed and then left for a youth group event.

I was actually excited for the time alone. I figured I'd get a good work out in since I slept in this morning and then I'd make a ton of progress on our boys' photo books.

Facebook ate up all of the tiny bit of ambition I had to work out so I ate a monster cookie instead and caught up on my favorite blogs.... so goes life, amen? :)

Of course one of my favorite adoption blogs had a special post where families who have adopted kids with cp could link their blogs.

So after reading over ten blogs, watching many videos, and crying many tears as I watched children who were once labeled worthless and told they would never walk or be able to do anything worth while, take their first steps, tell their mama's they love them, sing praise songs to Jesus, and play on a jungle gym, I was a complete mess.

Redemption is so beautiful.

These past couple weeks have been crazy for me.

Last week held some really hard moments for this mama.

I can't lie, there were times when I wondered if we should really do this.

After having the millionth person tell you that you are going to have your hands full and look at you like you're crazy, you kind of begin to wonder if they are right. Especially when you spend all day trying to entertain and chase after a toddler. What are we thinking!!! TWO MORE!!! runs through your mind more than once.

But then you take a nap and wake up to Jesus' strong embrace.

When that happens all the previous second guessing and doubts just seem silly.

As if my Jesus is going to let me go now?

And those days lead beautifully into these days...

These days where you wait by the phone and your heart stops whenever it rings. And you answer it with "Oh mom it's just you."

We have been told by our facilitator in our boys' country that we will receive our travel date "Soon" Exact word... S..O..O..N.

I made the mistake of thinking "soon" must mean today, maybe tomorrow... alas 3 days have passed.

Wow I type that and it sounds silly... 3 days? That's all it's been?? That's not much of a wait.

Tell that to the overdue pregnant mother... expecting twins!!

Yeah, that would give you a better picture of how I'm feeling.

I feel so helpless.


Tonight I crawled into Landon's room, being careful not to bump the large plastic bin of blocks that resounds like a cymbal in his pitch black room. Yes, I have become the mother in the book "I'll love you Forever." Hopefully I will discontinue this little nightly ritual once my boys move out and get married haha (If you don't know the book, it's worth the read:)

I laid on the floor and let it all overcome me...

This painful relentless love that burns inside my heart like a fire. Some nights I think I can physically feel it burning my insides (is that weird?).

This love that would take a bullet for two boys I have never even held in my arms.

This love that longs to wipe their tears.

This love that desires nothing more than to kiss their sweaty foreheads every morning.

This love that will push them to be all that God created them to be and never let them say "I can't"

This love that will never give up on them.

This love that will bring me to tears as I watch them sleep.

This love that will shield them from all of the nasty looks and behind back comments.

This love that will be there to hold them during the times when it can't shield them from the pain and hate of this world.

This love that longs to know them. To know what they like and what they dislike. To know their favorite things. To know what makes them laugh and what makes them act silly. To know their little quirks and mannerisms. To know what makes them unique and a gift to this world.

This love that will stay up to make sure they make it home before curfew.

This love that will go crazy mama bear if they miss said curfew.

This love that longs to tell them about Jesus.

This love that will accept if they never meet the typical milestones.

This love that will cheer, dance around, and go smoochin crazy for every one of "their milestones" that they do overcome.

This love that longs to see their redemption play out more than anything. To see them restored and given a new identity.

This love amazes me.

All of the hopes, dreams, and fears this love has for my boys, some days it's almost to much to carry.

I know that God is the one who has placed this love inside of me.

I know that the kind of love I feel for my boys, this strong, relentless, mountain moving, wall scaling kind of love, is the same kind of love my savior feels towards me.

When I realize that every doubt is silenced.

Everything falls into place and for the moment, makes sense.

I've been saved by crazy love so why wouldn't I offer crazy love?



Please pray that we receive our travel date soon and that it's no later than August.

Thank you for praying for our boys. Your prayers and support is what gets us through the hard days. Thank you for loving and investing in our boys' lives.

While we are traveling we will not be allowed to post any pictures or detailed information regarding our adoption publicly so we have created a private facebook group where we will be able to update and post pictures of our boys. If you would like to be added to it, please add me as a fb friend and let me know you want to be added to our group.

LIFE

I know, I know, I haven't posted anything in what seems like forever.

Truly where is the summer going??

A part of me feels like I haven't written lately because nothing has really happened.

We are enjoying the relaxed vibe that summer brings.

But when I think again, I realize that MUCH IS HAPPENING!!

Here's a little update on our summer...

We have a walker runner on our hands now

 It took him a while to get the hang of it, but now he is running all over the place.

He also talks every waking second of his day.

His favorite phrases so far are "Look it!" "What that?" "Oh goodness" and "Stop it!" I hear that one a lot, whenever I have to wipe his nose/face, change his diaper, get him dressed, stop him from taking off in a mad sprint towards whatever has caught his attention, etc.

He definitely keeps us on our toes!

He LOVES all things with wheels! Which is understandable since he NEVER STOPS GOING!!

He is the silliest little thing I've ever seen. If you could die from excessive laughter, Ryan and I would be goners. He has had us rolling on the floor and doing the ugly snort laugh on many occasions.

He found a dart leftover from mama and daddy's nerf gun fight

He has started doing this and it cracks me up everytime!!

Fell asleep after gaining the victory over the dvd case. 

Today his great idea was to carry around a pillow for whenever he falls lol

He MUST dance whenever and wherever music is playing

His newest dance move is this hilarious munchkin squat

Do you think he knows we think he is ridiculously cute and entertaining? haha

 

Every day with this child is such a blessed adventure!

We had a great 4th of July this past week!!

Watching the parade

 Playing in the pool at our friends house

He's not a huge fan of water yet

But he loved jumping with papa on the trampoline!!

Mama what are daddy and Peter doing on the trampoline? Don't they know that's for kids?

  Watching the fireworks

Last year...

 and this year...

What a difference a year makes!!

He didn't really think much of the beautiful explosions in the sky, but he would freak out and point hysterically at the small blinking light of the plane that would fly overhead (little weirdo;) hahaha

Everyday I fall more and more madly in love with this crazy little one. 

OH he completely has my heart!!

So obviously we are having a great summer, but we are not sad that it is passing quickly (this will probably be the only year I am actually looking forward to fall).

On the adoption side of things, we have just been waiting, but as of Sunday we became the NEXT family that will receive a travel date. The family in front of us will be traveling the second week of August so we are estimated to be leaving a week or two later than them!!

Hearing that news has really put a skip in my step. WE ARE SO CLOSE!!!

I am also kind of freaking out inside as the list of everything that we need to do and get in order before we travel is quite long.

I am definitely in the "nesting" stage of the adoption process.

If you happen to come visit us, please take the time to look into every little crevice of our fridge. The only time you will see it that clean again is if I'm big with baby or if we are again nearing the end of a long road scattered with notarized paperwork.

I've also been making good use of all the time I spend on pinterest by working on some fun projects.

This mama wants everything to be perfect when I bring my babies home!!

Told you I'm nesting ;)

I've also been keeping busy on my beloved shutterfly account.

I made Landon a story book to look at while Ryan and I are in Eastern Europe. It turned out so cute!

 I'm also working on Ivan and Levi's adoption journal, and a picture book that we will take with us so they can see the people they will meet and places they will be upon their arrival to the States. I am labeling everything in English and Russian (our facilitators idea).

Add to that finishing up the last 8 months of Landon's First Year album. I took so many pictures his first 4 months took up one entire album. I'll probably have to split all 12 months into 3 books (a little ridiculous I know).

So as you can see, I'm pretty busy. I know most of our time will be devoted to our 3 boys once we get home so I don't want the little things (like documenting Landon's first year) to be put on a shelf in my mind that I may or may not return to. It's now or never I feel.

So for now, we're working on tying up all loose ends so that we can just focus on our 3 lovies and finding our new normal in the coming months.

Hopefully there will be an adoption update blog in the near future, including a travel date announcement :)

Thank you to each of you who remembers our growing family in your prayers. We love you, covet your prayers, and are praying you also have a blessed summer.