Even though we've been through this 3 times with Landon and we are familiar with how the routine goes, it never gets any easier.
I still feel numb and restless at the same time.
My baby isn't here with us right now and the next time I see her she will seem like an empty shell of the joyful spunky little girl we know and love... there's no getting around it... this is just hard, heartbreaking even.
There have been so many circumstances over the past year that have just seemed like too much to bear and this is definitely one of them.
We have no choice but to be brave and push through though.
We have three little boys that need us to be strong for them and a little girl who needs us to be brave for her now more than ever.
I am learning that so much of life is bitter sweet.
It's celebrations in the midst of suffering.
It's finding joy even in the middle of sorrowful, hard times.
It's finding out your daughter needs open heart surgery the same week you find out your holding another beautiful baby girl in your womb.
It's battling through hard financial times while at the same time experiencing eternal blessings on a daily basis.
I'm learning not to run from the trials we experience, but rather embrace them, knowing that they go hand in hand with the blessings and gifts God bestows on us. Maybe they even "are" the blessings and gifts at times.
Knowing this is true doesn't make the hard times any easier to bear though.
Trusting God with the outcome, doesn't shield my heart from the pain of the moment.
Thankfully God never tells us that faith is the absence of fear or that trust comes only when we aren't aware of the pain.
He knows this life is hard and unfair. He knows we are going to bleed from the pain of this world, it's going to hurt, and we're going to be left with scars.
He doesn't promise us a sedative to get through our time here, He promises us His presence.
His presence in the midst of the pain and heartbreak.
And that's the truth we cling to on days like today when the weight of this world's brokenness threatens to absolutely destroy our hearts and our joy.
These next 24 hours are going to be hard.
These next weeks are going to be hard.
We covet your prayers so much. Yes, prayers for healing. Yes, prayers for strength and bravery, but more than anything pray that we would be continually aware of God's presence in the midst of all this hard. We know He is the One holding our baby girl right now and we know she couldn't be in more capable hands.
|Right before she was taken back to the OR|
I know most of you are wondering what exactly Emma is having done today so I will try my best to explain it.
Today's surgery will hopefully accomplish 5 things.
They are patching a hole between her right and left ventricle and her right and left atrium
They are removing the pulmonary band she had placed when she had surgery in Ukraine and repairing the damage she has on her pulmonary artery
And they are sewing together a hole in her mitral valve.
If all goes as planned and there's no complications during or after surgery we were told that she shouldn't need anymore surgeries in the future.
This is a complex surgery and because of some of the repairs they are doing, they wont want to extubate her today like they normally would. They told us it will likely be two days before she's extubated which makes our recovery time longer as well. We were originally told she would be in the hospital 5 to 7 days for recovery and now it's 7 to 10 days.
Surgery began at 8:38a
I will try to keep updating the blog, but it's much easier to just update through facebook so I appologize for those of you who purely follow the blog.
We cannot thank you all enough for your support and love these last couple weeks. God's hand has been so evident this entire trip and even though we're scared and this is all hard to go through, we truly have a peace in knowing that God is in control.