Simply Unfathomable

I have been wanting to sit down and write a post for a while now, but every time I try I just have no idea where to start.

I want desperately to capture these last weeks/moments at home, but there are just so many emotions, I can hardly move when I think of the weightiness of it all, let along type something that comes out reflecting the glory and chaos that is overwhelming my heart.

And yet here I am trying...

I realized today that I feel very much the same as I did the last couple days before I had to go live with my aunt near Minneapolis until Landon was born. For those of you, who never followed Landons letters, Landon was born with one of his heart valves completely closed, he would not have lived 24 hours if he didn't receive the correct medicine and surgery soon after his birth.

I remember feeling kind of "out of body" those last couple days before I had to leave the comfort of my home, taking my large belly 6 hours away from his daddy, to wait until he would arrive, not knowing how his life would unfold or how long we would be blessed with his presence in this life.

There was no way to process that because everything was unknown.

That is exactly how I feel now, sure you can read adoption books, devour all the good blogs, ask a million questions to other mama's who have been there done that, but nothing can really prepare you for when it's your turn. Just like watching a baby story can't prepare you for the labor and delivery of the child inside your womb, watching hundreds of adoption gotcha videos (I have completely exhausted youtube) can't fully prepare you for how you're going to feel when the time finally comes for you to walk through the doors that lead you to a child you have been calling your own, but to him you are nothing more than a stranger.

There is just NO WAY to process this thing called adoption.

It is a remarkable journey and a glorious mystery.

It is rooted in the heart of God in that place where our understanding cannot fathom.

Ryan and I find ourselves wishing the days would go faster and then we realize how close we are and sometimes fear cripples us.

We have hoped, prayed, and romanticized about this time for so long and now it is here and we can hardly wrap our minds around it.

We have decided that there is no way we can process it, all we can do is live it.

All we can do is put one foot in front of the other, say our good-byes, walk onto a plane, and give God all the glory as we get to experience His redemptive story unfold before our very eyes.

10 Days and counting...

"This is really going to happen!" Is a phrase that Ryan and I have spoken much in the past couple weeks.

Throughout our entire adoption we have prayed Isaiah 45:2-3

I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will beak down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord.

Now as we look back on the flat ground that used to be gigantic mountains towering over our seemingly impossible chance of ever getting our boys, we would be absolute fools to not give God every ounce of the glory.

We have done NOTHING except say yes to Him everyday.

Ryan and I are still kind of in shock that this is happening.

WE. LEAVE. IN. TEN. DAYS!!! AHHHHH!!!!

We are giddy with excitement, but when I stop and really think about our journey I am reduced to a puddle of tears.

I am blown away at my Lord.

I knew Him before we began this journey, but diving so deeply into His heart and relying so wholly on His faithfulness for every one of our needs, has brought our relationship to a different level.

He just leaves me speechless.

To know that I serve a God who cares so deeply and tenderly for two little boys who had been abandoned by their family and their society. They meant nothing to anyone and yet to my Lord, they were always treasures.

To know that He would choose us to be recipients of the blessings they will bring not because of any of our strengths, but instead because our weaknesses make us the perfect candidates to receive and give the mountain moving love God has for our Ivan and Levi... it is just so profoundly beautiful.

Do we still have fears and anxieties?

OH yes! and what, then, should I say in response to these things? If God is for us who can be against us. (Romans 8:3)

We are praising God with every breath as we spend these last few days in the comfort of our home. 

We praise Him as we are preparing and packing for our journey to our boys. 

We praise Him as we dream of what the next month will hold for us.



We bought a carrier to take with us for the boys and we've enjoyed breaking it in with Landon. 

The past couple days have been unbearably hot so we decided to go to the beach last night. It brought back so many memories from last year so I figured it would be neat to do a couple back to backs of last year and this year. WOW how our boy has grown! :) (and yes, I am wearing the same shirt. I didn't even plan it haha)

 Last year

This year

LOL still not a fan of cold water!

Last year

This year

 Last year

This year

Last year

This year

We praise Him as we soak in every last moment with our Landon and our small family of three.

Thank you everyone for your prayers as we continue to prepare for our trip. We are pretty much packed and ready to go. Landon has a cardioligist appt on the 30th so we will leave for Fargo right after that, spend our last relaxing evening together as a family of 3 and then soak in all of the snuggles and kisses we can get until our plane leaves in the afternoon. 

please, if you haven't already, join our facebook group. I know many of you don't have fb accounts and I totally respect that, but I really don't want you to miss out on pictures and updates of our journey. 

We love you all!!

Have a great rest of your week!!

Travel Date!!! Finally!!

Good morning my friends, and a GOOD morning it is!!

We just received our long awaited phone call and we now HAVE A TRAVEL DATE!!!

If you are not in our adoption group on facebook you may not know that we recieved some bad news recently. Because of this news our appointment in our boys' country has been pushed back into September.

It's a long story and frankly now that we have a travel date there is nothing we can do about it so I don't believe it would do any good or give God any glory to complain about it. Ryan and I decided that if this did indeed happen than God would work it out for our best interest. Were we praying like crazy to travel in the next couple weeks... yes! But now that we have a travel date I have complete peace that God is going before us, preparing our way, and that He will sustain and protect our little lovies until we arrive :)

Our appointment where we will receive one of our boys' referral and permission to go meet him the next day is scheduled for September 2nd. We have been told this is a long weekend so we should try to get our flights for August 31st (I guess technically we'll still be leaving in August ;)

I cannot thank each of you enough for praying for our family. Adoption is such a roller coaster of a journey and I don't think we could do this without all of the prayers, love, and support we get from all of you. Many of you have written me messages of encouragement. Please know that I read each one and they do indeed encourage me and give me hope to fight another day. Forgive me for not replying to each of you and please know that your words of kindness are always heard and taken to heart even if I can't find the time to reply. Thank you!!

As always we will keep you posted!!